Monday, November 2, 2015
It's the lugubrious I've ever felt this year, the ambivalent feelings which flow throughout my body perpetuate. The drink in my hand doesn't help me realise how far the car has been parked away from the destination . It's another rainy and dispiriting weekend, the emergency beeper signals constantly throughout the emergency stay room. I cling onto the masquerade which is the emergency room, they try to exude an efficient demeanour however, that despicable room is filled too much with distress and anguish. As I walk through, mangled faces stare back, full of disappointment and sadness, the looks on their faces a cover up for the ominous and arduous night ahead.
As I wheel away trying to control myself, I cross paths with an old acquaintance. The lights are dim, reflective of the mood. I catch up with this old acquaintance, we reminisce on our times together two years ago and how drastically life has changed since then for the both of us. Because he is older, he automatically pertains to giving me advice about the future, and I listen intently carefully trying to ingrain every single bit of useful information, his foreshadows are hard to miss.
As I return to the hospital ward and take a glimpse at the beds, my heart not only dissolves but struggles to survive. I feel a strong heavy burden weighing on my shoulders, a raging sense of regret plaguing on my mind. I can play these same mistakes over and over in my mind, but there is not much I can do to change the past.